free write # 1

It’s raining hard today. I love waking up to a dark room, filled with the noise of rain hitting the windows. It’s like the world's Do Not Disturb button. It makes me sad but I don’t want to talk about it. Some things are better left in the dark. Today I thought I lost my USB drive that has my entire creative existence on it: every face I’ve ever photographed, every word I’ve ever written, every movement I’ve captured on video. Not knowing where it was made me lose sleep.

And yet

I had the most beautiful dream

it was terrifying

I was in a huge ocean

with a dark, fuzzy town on the coast

piled high next to the shoreline

lights from the windows fighting their

way through the dusky light

I don’t know why I dream in

Hayao Miyazaki movies that I’ve

never seen, and I don’t know why

I dream about these places and

can't draw them.

I wish I could paint the blue-ish black

buildings covered in fog

I saw it for

what felt like a split second

of being washed over with peace

by The Starry Night of Towns

until I looked down

and a great white shark

sped up towards me

shining against the black ocean

but he didn’t swallow me whole

even though my arms did not work

somehow I escaped

because he gave me a head start

showing me mercy

Maybe our fears are just too far away

and once we realize them

they can’t hurt us